The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Want

In the past few months, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been spending my time on things that, honestly, don’t matter as much as I thought they did. They’re not necessarily “wrong” things, but they’re things that just… aren’t really shaping the future I want for myself.

And it’s strange because in my late 20s, there’s this sudden clarity—this feeling that, for the first time, I really know who I am and what I want out of life. It’s like every experience I’ve had, every step I’ve taken, is finally connecting. Everything I did before led me here, to this understanding. And I don’t regret any of it. Not at all. But looking back, I do wish there were things I could’ve known earlier.

But the thing is—it's not my fault I didn’t see it back then. I think a lot of us get caught up in the environments we’re exposed to, the information around us, and we just absorb it, often without thinking about it too deeply. It’s easy to be swept along, and sometimes we don’t even realize it. And maybe it has something to do with how open we are, how willing we are to ask questions, to step back and look at what’s really driving us.

Since I was a kid, I’ve always been curious, always watching people—how they act, what they say, the good and the bad. But even then, I didn’t have a guidebook on life. Like a lot of us, I grew up in an environment where I wasn’t always nurtured to explore freely or think independently. And looking back, I see now that it’s not the fault of the people around me. They were working with what they knew, passing on what they had. And I don’t hold that against them. Life just shapes us all in different ways.

But as I grew older, I’m grateful that I had the chance to start making choices for myself. Before getting into my 20s, I was out on my own, learning to navigate everything from scratch. In a way, I became my own guide, my own parent, and I had to teach myself what really mattered. And that’s something I’m truly thankful for.

Recently, I picked up a book called Essentialism by Greg McKeown. And it’s made me realize how important it is to focus on the right things, and to acknowledge that almost everything is non-essential. We only get this one life, and it’s short, but what makes it meaningful is how deliberate we are about where we put our energy. Learning is a big part of that—learning the right way to learn, even. Because if you think about it, there’s so much out there constantly fighting for our attention—social media, algorithms, interests, endless distractions—and they’re all pulling us in different directions.

If we’re not careful, we end up doing so many things on autopilot, things that lead us nowhere. And that’s the hardest part—choosing what to focus on. Making a deliberate choice. In the book, Greg talks about how choosing isn’t passive. It’s active. It’s not just letting life happen; it’s making decisions, saying yes to what matters, and letting go of what doesn’t. But of course, that is easier said than done.

But here’s the paradox: sometimes, to know what really matters, we have to try many different things. We have to explore, dive into new experiences, pick up different skills, and see what resonates. It’s like this intentional experimentation. The more we experience deliberately, the clearer it becomes what we actually want, what really fits us.

And that’s where I’m at now. I’m focused on making these deliberate choices, on learning how to learn—not just in a random way, but in a way that’s aligned with who I am and who I’m becoming. So, if you’re watching this and you’re in that place where you’re not sure where to go or what’s next, maybe you feel scattered or stretched thin—just know that’s okay. The path to clarity isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, it’s filled with exploration, and, honestly, it’s about getting comfortable with letting go of things that aren’t right, even if they seemed important at one time.

When I graduated high school, I remember math being my thing. Numbers just made sense to me. But instead of choosing that path, I went into liberal arts, focusing on honing my communication skills—not because I felt drawn to it, but because I thought it was the 'right' choice.

Growing up, we’re often just reflections of everything we see around us, taking on the actions, beliefs, and patterns of those who came before us. It’s almost like survival mode—imitating what seems to work because that’s what we’re taught to do, often without really questioning it.

We’re all born into these systems, created by people generations before us—education systems, workplace structures, even our cultural norms. They’re all products of the environment, the people, and the civilizations that shaped them. And sure, they’re here for reasons, maybe even good reasons. But they weren’t necessarily built with us, as individuals, in mind. They were created by those before us, maybe out of a need to keep order, or maybe to shape society in a way that felt “safe” or “predictable” to them.

But here’s where it gets interesting. Just because these systems exist, it doesn’t mean we’re all bound by them, that we’re all meant to follow these predetermined paths. There’s a bigger picture here—a life beyond the structures we’re born into. And if you have that awareness, that sense that you can rise above it all, then maybe you owe it to yourself to find a way forward that’s yours, and yours alone.

We don’t have to be just another product of what came before. There’s so much more beyond just following the script that was handed to us. The truth is, if you know that you can manage yourself—if you can be disciplined, focused, and intentional—then you have a responsibility to break free from what doesn’t serve you. You have to do it your way.

And that led me to where I am now. Back when I was younger, not even into my twenties yet, I did the things that were laid out for me without much resistance. Part of it was because I didn’t have the resources or power to choose otherwise. And, honestly, I didn’t question it—I just took on what was given. I think, in a way, I saw those early steps as part of a journey toward understanding who I am and what I really want out of life.

At that time, I didn’t have a clear direction. There were so many things I wanted to do, but I didn’t know where to start or how to narrow it down. Over the years, though, I’ve learned that you can’t try to be everything or excel at everything. At some point, you have to make a choice. You have to pick that one thing you want to go big on—the thing that defines you. And it’s okay if it takes time to find it.

But now, looking back, I can see how every experience is connected. My first job, working in a call center, taught me to communicate. I wasn’t a natural, but that’s where I started to build that skill. And, sure, I was working full-time there, but it wasn’t out of pure passion or alignment with my dreams. It was more a matter of necessity. With a full-time schedule demanding nine or more hours each day,, I didn’t have the luxury to work solely on my own goals.

So, I focused on managing my energy. I learned quickly that it wasn’t just about managing time; it was about managing what energy I had left to give. And I know people noticed that I didn’t always “give it all” at work. It’s not that I didn’t care—it’s that I had to reserve some of that energy for what mattered to me, for the things I was exploring outside of my main job.

So, at night, I worked, and during the day, I explored. I started taking on freelancing—not because I was chasing money but because I was trying to find something meaningful. My full-time job wasn’t what I wanted for the long term, and I didn’t want to be bound by it. That’s just me, my preference. And back then, this was before the pandemic, younger and when I had the energy to stretch myself thin.

Even if those other jobs didn’t pay well, or pay regularly, I felt something different—something that made me think, “Yes, this is the kind of experience I want.” That’s the upside of living on your own terms; you get to experiment, to dive into things deliberately, without needing approval or validation from people around you.

I tried so many things, almost like a series of “sidelines,” all without expecting an instant payoff. And through those experiences, I found something that genuinely clicked. It’s funny—sometimes we think we have to be certain of our path from the start, but often it’s about trying, failing, and realizing what resonates. And luckily, I found people who saw potential in me, people who validated what I was starting to believe about myself.

But it wasn’t easy from there. I still had to juggle everything, not fully knowing what I was doing half the time. I was exhausted, barely sleeping, caught in this cycle of working late and waking up early. Now, I’m not saying you should sacrifice sleep—I actually think it’s one of the most essential things for mental clarity and well-being. But at the time, I didn’t know any better. I was just driven by this desire to figure things out, to see what would stick.

I ended up working in those call centers on and off for over three years, across seven different projects. I know that’s not the traditional career path, and maybe it wasn’t the “right” choice, but it was the only way I could keep moving forward. And it’s not that I was bad at my work; I actually did pretty well and met the metrics they set for me. But even with those little bits of recognition and praise, I knew I couldn’t let them become a trap that kept me tied to something that wasn’t my dream.

One of those other jobs I tried, well, that ended up being something I genuinely loved. It was different from everything else I’d done, and it pushed me, challenging me in ways I hadn’t expected. It wasn’t easy—there were days when it felt like it was breaking me down, messing with my mental and emotional balance. But looking back, I realize that experience was essential. It was the best failure I could have faced, a test I needed to overcome.

For the first time, I felt like I’d found something that fit. It wasn’t tied to a specific industry or role, but to the work itself—the essence of it. Back then, I didn’t even realize it, but I was basically acting as an executive assistant, a right-hand person. I was there to bring someone else’s ideas to life, to help her dreams become reality, to execute the vision. And I loved that process. It felt like, even though I wasn’t the one at the forefront, I was working for myself, for my growth, my fulfillment.

I’m grateful for that person and that experience because, even though it didn’t end perfectly, it was everything I needed at the time. And then, a few years later, the pandemic hit. I stumbled across the world of remote work—particularly virtual assistance. It was something I just jumped into, not knowing what to expect, and it turned out to be something I was genuinely good at. Working as an executive assistant to a founder, I realized, “Wait, I’ve been doing this for a long time.”

And it wasn’t about the title or the position itself—it was about the role I got to play. I got to work alongside someone with vision, someone driven to build something from the ground up. I had this front-row seat, looking over her shoulder, working with her to tackle the exact challenges that founders face. And that experience, of being beside her, seeing her process, facing those challenges with her, it was amazing. That’s what I wanted—to learn from someone like that and to feel part of something bigger.

But this wasn’t just different in terms of experience; it was showing up in my paycheck, too. For the first time, I was in a role that rewarded me, not only financially but with a sense of genuine purpose. And while that paycheck was nice, it didn’t keep me there out of complacency. I still had my own goals, that one big dream that I’m building toward.

Working alongside visionaries, experiencing that pace and intensity, it was accelerating—each day felt like a step forward in my own growth. And though I knew this wasn’t my end goal, it became clear that this path, these roles as a right-hand to someone with a big mission, they were stepping stones. They were part of my journey, helping me become exactly who I’m aiming to be.

So, here I am now—more aware, more in tune with who I am than I’ve ever been. But knowing myself better doesn’t mean I’ve closed myself off from new ideas or stopped looking for ways to improve. If anything, it’s made me want to experience more, to keep putting myself in situations that stretch me. I’ve realized that growth lives in those uncomfortable places, the places where I don’t have all the answers.

And when I think back to my time as an executive assistant, I know I wasn’t the “best” by some universal standard. But the thing is: I didn’t have to be the best for everyone; I just needed to be the best for the person I was supporting, the executive who counted on me. People sometimes ask whether anyone can become a virtual assistant, and I think the answer depends on choice. It’s all about understanding yourself, knowing what you’re capable of, and being honest about where you are right now.

If you want to step into a role like that, there’s no shortcut. You have to look inward, take an honest inventory of your strengths and weaknesses, and accept that you might be starting from zero. Even if you have years of experience, it’s essential to approach each new role with a clean slate. Bring the best skills and lessons from your past, but don’t feel like you have to act as if you already know it all. There’s power in admitting what you don’t know, in showing your vulnerabilities.

True growth begins with that kind of honesty. Whether you decide to go with a virtual assistant agency, work freelance, or directly with clients, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. You’ll hear advice from successful people in the industry, but ultimately, it’s up to you. It’s your intuition you need to trust. Other people’s paths can be a guide, but they’re not a roadmap you have to follow step-by-step.

Even if you’re still uncertain or not fully trusting your intuition yet, sometimes the answer is to jump in. Take the leap, try something, and see where it leads. Believe me, you have time. Maybe it’s weekends, after work, or early mornings—if you make an audit of your day or week, you’ll find moments that can be used purposefully.

And when I say “jump in,” I don’t mean diving in unprepared. Preparation is key, but the best way to know what to prepare for is by first being honest with yourself. That self-awareness tells you what you need to work on. There’s something powerful when preparation meets opportunity—everything aligns, and it just hits differently.

Start by seeing where your time is going. It doesn’t mean you need to track every minute or fill every hour with tasks. It just means knowing what your days look like, what takes up your energy. For example, how much time do you spend mindlessly scrolling on reels? If you’re spending an hour or two on social media, that’s fine—but be conscious about it. Notice what kind of content you’re consuming.

Sometimes, even the content we’re drawn to can reveal our interests or passions. The algorithm shows you clues, patterns in what you watch, and that can lead you to insights about yourself if you’re paying attention. Leisure has its place, but be mindful. Know where your time is going, and let that awareness guide your decisions.

Lately, I’ve realized that the universe really works with us, sending us signals, opening doors. If you start noticing the patterns, seeing the dots connect, it’s incredible. It’s like the universe is quietly nudging you, and once you’re aware of it, you can start spotting those patterns everywhere.

So, when it comes to choosing your path, whether it’s freelancing, virtual assistance, or something entirely different, remember: there is no “best” roadmap, no one-size-fits-all skill set. It’s about tuning into your preferences, your intuition, and being willing to follow your timeline.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that while it’s powerful to have a vision—to know where you want to go and what you want to achieve—it’s equally important to have an anti-vision. Knowing what you don’t want to become, what you want to avoid at all costs, can be a powerful motivator. Writing down those things you want to steer clear of, gives your vision a backbone. It’s a reminder of where you won’t go, no matter what. When you see clearly the person you don’t want to be, your goals become sharper, more meaningful.

For some people, having a clear vision board with their big “why” works wonders. And while that’s important, reinforcing it with an anti-vision can ground you in your commitment to the path you truly want. In a world full of distractions and constant pulls on our attention, knowing both what you want and what you don’t want can help you filter out the noise.

In my pursuit of growth, I’ve realized how risky it can be to dive into new experiences and information without being fully conscious about the choices I’m making. We’re living in a time where information is expanding at an unprecedented rate, and that’s only accelerated by technology like Artificial Intelligence. AI’s growth isn’t something to fear; it’s here because of this massive surge in data and information. And while AI can be overwhelming, we still have control over how we use it, at least for now.

The truth is, our brains aren’t wired to hold or process all this information. We have limits on the data and knowledge we can carry at once. That’s where technology like AI steps in—it has the capacity to manage and make sense of this data overload, and it can work to our advantage if we let it. Instead of being consumed by the endless information, we can use it to support our growth, as individuals and as a community. We just need to remember that we’re the ones steering the ship.

As more people are exposed to more information, we’re seeing more worldviews, more differences in how people see and experience life. And here’s what I’ve come to believe: it’s not about forcing others to see things the way we do. We can share our beliefs, present our evidence, and tell our story, but we can only do so much. At some point, it’s about letting those who resonate with us find their way to us. We don’t have to try so hard to convince everyone.

Just like choosing a niche in freelancing or remote work, you find your niche in life by staying true to your experiences and values. Your unique journey is your niche, you are the niche—it’s what sets you apart and draws the right people in. And that’s where I am now, focused on refining my skills and direction based on the people I want to support. I already know that I’m drawn to working with visionary founders, people who want to create impact and change the world. I’m not interested in leaving a legacy and being seen in history books. I just want to be someone who lives deeply, experiences fully, and supports the future in my own way.

I’ve been through different experiences, tried different types of “fun”—the partying, the late nights, even experimenting with substances. And while those moments were part of my journey, they also taught me about the kind of person I want to become. I know now that I could have stayed in that scene, let myself drift, but I chose differently because I had clarity on my vision and my anti-vision. Those experiences didn’t derail me; instead, they helped me know myself better.

Being mindful of my end goal keeps me from getting swept up in what others might find enjoyable or meaningful. I’m clear about what I want to experience and what I don’t want in the long run. But that doesn’t mean I don’t live in the present—I do. I just have a vision and an anti-vision to guide my choices. My past experiences, both good and bad, are there as reminders, lessons to keep me grounded as I move forward.

And so, here’s what I hope you take away from all of this: the journey toward a life that feels truly meaningful isn’t about achieving more or following the script that others have set. It’s about crafting a life where every choice, every path, is aligned with who you truly are and who you aspire to become.

So, how do you get there? It starts with a few simple, but powerful, steps:

1. Define Your Vision and Anti-Vision: Take time to write down the life you want and the life you want to avoid. This is your foundation, grounding you with both purpose and boundaries. When you know what you’re working toward and what you’re steering clear of, every decision becomes clearer.

2. Embrace Intentional Exploration: Give yourself the freedom to experiment. Try new things, step outside your comfort zone, and allow yourself to fail and learn. The more you explore deliberately, the more you understand what truly resonates with you and where your strengths lie.

3. Use Tools Mindfully: Don’t let technology or endless information dictate your life. Use it as a tool to support your growth, not to distract you. With intention, these tools can help you stay focused on what truly matters, without overwhelming you.

4. Focus on Energy, Not Just Time: Think of how you spend your energy each day. Direct it toward things and people that uplift you, things that align with your vision, and let go of the rest. When you manage your energy, you can show up fully, in each moment.

5. Trust Your Path and Listen to Your Intuition: This journey is uniquely yours. You don’t need to follow anyone else’s roadmap; instead, tune into your intuition, trust what feels right for you, and follow it with courage. Stay true to your story, your lessons, and the people who resonate with them will naturally find you.

There are a few key lessons I hope you can take with you—lessons that have shaped me and continue to guide my path forward.

1. Growth Lives in the Uncomfortable.

Real growth happens in those moments of discomfort, the times when you’re stretching yourself, challenging what you know, and stepping into new experiences. You don’t have to be perfect or “the best” in a universal sense; you just have to be the best version of yourself for the people and opportunities that are right in front of you.

2. Live in the Present, Guided by Lessons from the Past.

Every experience, every step—good or bad—becomes part of your journey. Learn from them, but don’t let them define your future. Stay present and open to what life brings. The past gives you perspective; the future gives you direction; but the present is where real life unfolds.

In the end, life isn’t about avoiding mistakes or following someone else’s map. It’s about creating your own, guided by the things that matter most to you and the things you know you’ll never allow in your life. That’s where true growth and fulfillment come from.This life is yours to shape. Remember, it’s not about doing it all—it’s about doing what feels right for you. Thank you for being here.